I feel this way too

I was reading a blog of a girl I know online... she, unfortunately, has had to deal with miscarriages as well. She posted this today and I know how she feels. I feel exactly the same way.

"My experience with conception has gone from passionate nights of emotional and physical intimacy with the man of my dreams to simply viewing my reproductive system as a laboratory test tube. It belongs to doctors who poke, prod, measure and calculate me constantly. My days are measured by what doctor needs to examine me, which pills I will be inserting into which part of my body, or what dose of stinging medication I will be plunging into my abused belly fat. My chances of motherhood do not lie in the dreams of a night of lovemaking, they are measured by dark burgundy blood that is drawn by sterilized needles in sterilized labs, by bruises and band-aids and phone calls. "

It would be so nice to go back to the innocence of 3-4 years ago... thinking that the moment I saw 2 lines I had a good chance of bringing home a baby. ( I say a good chance only because of the 2 miscarriages I had before Brianna). 3 1/2 years ago I was thinking it was unlikely another miscarriage would happen again.